Jokes

[Guest]

An old man and a teenager were sitting next to each other, waiting for a bus in the bus station. The teenager had spiked his hair in various colors: blue, green, yellow, orange.

The old man kept staring at the teenager, who became increasingly annoyed. Sarcastically he asked, “What’s the matter with you old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?"

The old man replied, "Yeah, I got drunk once and had sex with a peacock, and I was just wondering if you were my son."

[Guest]

According to contacts in Tokyo, the Japanese banking crisis seems to be worsening.

Following last week's news that Origami Bank has folded, we are hearing that the Sumo Bank has gone belly-up and the Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in the Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.

Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at the Sushi Bank and staff fear they may get a raw deal.

[Guest]

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence." "Done!" replies the government official.

[John]

** 07-Oct-2019 World View: World Quiz for Today

Select the correct answer to each of the following multiple-choice
questions.

1. How long did the Hundred Years War last?
a) 99 years
b) 116 years
c) 100 years
d) 150 years<br>

2. Where does the Panama hat originate from?
a) Ecuador
b) Venezuela
c) Colombia
d) Panama

3. What was George VI's first name?
a) Albert
b) Jonah
c) George
d) Constantine

4. During which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
a) September
b) October
c) November
d) February

5. Which animal gave its name to the Canary Islands?
a) Seal
b) Canary
c) Monkey
d) Cat

How many did you get right? See the correct answers below.










1. How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years (from 1337 to
1453)

2. Where does the Panama hat originate from? Ecuador

3. What was George VI's first name? Albert

4. During which month do the Russians celebrate the October
Revolution? November (because the Russians' calendar used to be
Julian as opposed to Gregorian. In the latter, the revolution's date
is 7 November)

5. Which animal gave its name to the Canary Islands? Seal (monk seal
= *canis marinus* or sea dog / Canariae Insulae = Islands of the Dogs)

[John]

** 06-Nov-2019 Brazilian Drug Bust

A blonde was sitting on a bus reading the newspaper when all of a
sudden she starts to cry.

The guy sitting next to her asks what's wrong and she replies that
three Brazilian soldiers were killed in a drug bust.

The man agrees that the news is very sad.

After a while the blonde asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"

[FishbellykanakaDude]

...After a while the blonde asks, "How many is a Brazilian?"

..and the guy answers, "It's the number of pube hairs left after a stylish exfoliation times 10,000."

So, yeah,.. quite sad.

[John]

** 19-Mar-2020 Coronavirus

Prediction: There will be a minor baby boom in 9 months, and then one
day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of THE QUARANTEENS.

Coronavirus is making people nervous. It’s making people anxious. But
at a time like this we all need to laugh, to be together ... from a
distance of about 20 feet.

[FishbellykanakaDude]

** 19-Mar-2020 Coronavirus

Prediction: There will be a minor baby boom in 9 months, and then one
day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of THE QUARANTEENS.

Coronavirus is making people nervous. It’s making people anxious. But
at a time like this we all need to laugh, to be together ... from a
distance of about 20 feet.

[im g]https://cdni.rbth.com/rbthmedia/images/ ... 0df255.jpg[/img]

"THE QUARANTEENS"

LOVE IT.....!!!

That'd be a GREAT Rock Band,.. they can wear T-shirts that read, "Born: Winter '20/'21"


Ingenuity!



Commute Withdrawal?

[FishbellykanakaDude]

Meanwhile, in Fashion News:

[FishbellykanakaDude]

• • Plague Inc. announces new mode where players save the world from a deadly disease
    
    The creators of Plague, Inc. have announced they are working on a new mode for the pandemic strategy sim "which lets players save the world from a deadly disease outbreak." The mode is being developed "with the help of experts from the World Health Organisation, the Global Outbreak Alert and Response Network and more."
    
    The new mode will be free for all players, though a release date hasn't yet been announced.
    
    As we noted back in January, the spread of coronavirus sparked a renewed interest in Plague, Inc. which saw record-high numbers of concurrent players on Steam. At the time, the developers warned that Plague, Inc. was not a scientific model, though it was designed to be as realistic and informative as possible.

..just to be thorough.