on gender issues for men and for women who care about men"
http://GenerationalDynamics.com/dl/Frat ... eEnemy.pdf
which is available from my "downloads" page:
http://generationaldynamics.com/download
He sent me the following comments by e-mail:
> Just got done reading your "fraternizing with the enemy" book and
> while it was written fifteen years ago, many points and the
> central message is still valid.
> However, one thing you said in the book that divorced parents with
> kids always hate each other: I haven't found that to be true. I've
> known numerous divorced couples with children that get along
> well. Admittedly, though, most of them are either millennials or
> younger members of generation X, not Boomers.
> Another thing that does concern me is some of the men's rights
> organizations are behaving in a similar way that the feminists
> are. They're playing the victim card, constantly screaming
> oppression, and even seeing women as the enemy. About the only
> major difference I can see is that they don't have much political
> power. I find this especially tragic because there are plenty of
> legitimate problems that should be addressed and aren't.
> My biggest point of agreement is on the fact that all too often,
> men are being treated as predators. I've experienced that myself,
> with hysterical threats to call the police for no other reason
> that I smile at their child. I avoid them at all costs now because
> I refuse to put myself in that situation. When I was in High
> School and College, I was forced to sit in seminars where the
> speakers essentially claimed: "All men are potential rapists" "Be
> on your guard with every man" "Even men you trust may be waiting
> for an opportunity." All it does is spread fear and it doesn't
> even make women safer, just more afraid.
> As for your comments about divorce, it's not as overwhelmingly
> biased as it once was, though the mother usually still wins
> primary custody. Friendlier divorces are becoming more common,
> which is all to the good, as far as I'm concerned. And courts are
> less willing to listen to constant accusations of abuse.
> One thing that hasn't changed, however, is the enormous reluctance
> to admit that women can be abusers too. I talked to women who are
> survivors of it and thought they would be sympathetic; I was
> wrong. Your experience may be different, but mine is that women
> who endure violence by their male partners are the most hostile to
> the idea of female abusers. There have been a couple of
> exceptions, one of whom agreed because her son ended up in such a
> relationship.
> One particular story has always stood out to me: of a lifetime
> movie made in 1993 called "Men Don't Tell", which is about a
> husband confused and terrorized by his violent wife. No one
> believes him, a hotline hangs up on him, and he is the one who
> nearly goes to prison. So far as I know, it's the only movie of
> its kind ever made. In fact, it was only aired once due to the
> enormous hostility that women's groups poured onto it.
> So while I disagreed on a few of the points, overall I found it to
> be a great book.